Helping the hurting


  • Listen patiently; they are trying to sort out their feelings.
  • Allow them to vent their anger toward others.
  • Allow them to regret their choice; remind them that we all learn from our mistakes.
  • Reassure them that their feelings are normal and we all make mistakes; God wants to forgive us.
  • Show that you care by keeping in touch and continuing to be a sounding board for them.
  • Encourage them to entrust their child completely to the care of God; reassure them that, on a spiritual level, their loss is only temporary.
  • Encourage them with loving and embracing letters.
  • Ask about their child and encourage them to talk about him or her (especially during the anniversary of the abortion or due date).
  • Provide alter call prayers for the abortion wounded on a regular basis.
  • Give them INFG referral information.

Things to Avoid...

  • Denying that they lost a child.
  • Condemning them for making a bad or immoral choice; shutting them off by changing the subject.
  • Ignoring them for fear you’ll say the wrong thing.
  • Insisting that they did the “right thing” or the “best thing” at the time.
  • Encouraging them to blame others for the abortion or pushing them to forgive others when they are in the initial stages of venting their anger and rage.
  • Closing your eyes to the fact that they are the mother of a lost child and have very deep feelings about him/her regardless of their past choice.
  • Suggesting that having another child “someday” can make up for the one that was lost.
  • Leaving them without encouraging them to accept help from ministries like If Not For Grace.
  • Being afraid to follow up.